A Reflection

Last week, I experienced the most challenging period in my life mentally. I felt extremely stressed due to some of the events that were going on in my life. Not a single situation was enough to break me down. However, when added up together, they formed an undefeatable pressure for me to manage.

Firstly, my mid-term grades came out, and it was not ideal. I had not reached the goal that I set for myself at the beginning of the school year. It was a critical year for me because next year, I would be applying to colleges. Therefore, this year’s grade was the most reflective of my learning ability and academic performance.

The second situation came right around the corner, after this day. My SAT scores were released, and it was, in fact, extremely terrible. Though everyone consoled me saying that it was my first time taking it and to not be too harsh on myself, it was still an unacceptable score for me. I prepared for the whole summer, and this result was not what I wanted nor expected.

The third one was a family situation. My mom was going to undergo surgical processes for her stomach. She would be taken into general paralysis. She was already over the age of 50, and doing such an operation could be very dangerous; she had this illness for a year, and I had never been acknowledged until the day before she entered the operation.

The last one, which was the most severe one and the last straw that killed the camel, was that one student who lives on our floor who was in the same soccer team as me tested positive for COVID-19. When I heard of this, my mind was boggled and turned into chaos. I had never been so helpless and hopeless in my life. It felt like the end of the world to me. I went to my “Moments” in Wechat and posted: Why do bad things come one after another and good things never come. And I changed everything— the background of my phone, Wechat avatar, and chat background – into black, pure black.

At the moment, I felt like the things that were going on in my life were all pointless. I felt like I suddenly lost my goal and future that was exceedingly clear before. I was shocked and stunned for 2 hours, doing nothing and thinking nothing. Then I came to a sudden realization. The first two miserable events were what I should account for. If my ability was enough and if I had prepared enough, it would never happen to me. It was totally my lack of ability to fail my midterm grades and SATs. If I put more time and effort, the results would be different. Regarding my mother’s surgery, there’s nothing I could change that was about to happen. All I could do was wish her good luck and pray for her to have a good operation. The last event was the most stressful and uncontrollable event. However, I believed in myself and the decisions that the school made. As long as I followed the school rules and was responsible for myself, then whether I had it or not would matter. I told myself, as long as I tried my best during the process, the end result, though it might not be ideal, would not bring too much damage to me.

And here I am now, one week after experiencing a series of stressful things, determined and encouraged. I created plans for my academic work for the second half of the semester and a list of goals to accomplish. I kept practicing the SAT every day after I finished my homework. My mother left the operation room safely and successfully. The school quarantined all of the close contacts from the person who tested positive. The school also tested all of the students and all the results, for now, came back negative. I felt like the heavy stone in my heart finally lifted. Things always have a possibility and don’t get beaten by anything unlucky in life. Be strong and hopeful, and everything will be just fine.